Celebrating Yourself

After each achievement in my life there is a small celebration followed by a deep desire to achieve the next best thing.

Too often, we will experience success and push past mental barriers and don’t allow ourselves to celebrate. Sometimes this happens when the change happens gradually overtime and we "all the sudden" end up where we wanted to be. We do not stop and pause and honor ourselves for all of the steps, (forward and backward!) that had gotten us to our desire.

 

The process and the person we become on the journey to what we want in life is actually more important than what it is we want. Think about any big goal or dream that you are looking to achieve. If it had come to fruition right now, without any of the struggle or challenges that you must overcome, it would not hold any value. 

 

The reason that we want the end goal is because of the person we have to become in order to achieve it. The difference in who you are now and who you will become upon...

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Patterns From The Past

COVID-19 pushed my long distance partnership quickly into an intensely close relationship.

 

My partner and I had been long distance for a few months, knowing that in the future, I had plans on moving closer. After quitting my job of almost three years, the plan was to travel to his city, spend a few days at his place before a series of extended stays with girlfriends until a more permanent living situation was determined. Things quickly changed with COVID but we mutually decided that it was better to be in the same city and that we would figure it out from there. 31 hours of driving, plus a short 4 hours of hotel-room sleep got me to his doorstep. Isolation protocols were recommended shortly after my return and the original couple nights staying at his place, with his two roommates, turned into "for the foreseeable future". As expected, we both began to find our own traumas and wounded children appearing in our relationship. When you all of the sudden spend every waking moment...

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Managing Your Thoughts

Everyone at some point has thought "I don't belong here" or "What am I doing?". We are flooded with thoughts all day every day; each person has on average 70,000 thoughts per day. Without awareness, our thoughts can go rampant in our lives. Suddenly instead of rose colored glasses, we are looking at each moment with fear, doubt and a feeling like the world is out to get us. 

 

The reality we have in our minds is only "reality" for us. It is not the same as anyone else's. Our reality is made up of the beliefs of our families, past trauma, judgements and values and it creates the lens through which we see the world. The majority of our thoughts are not our own and even beyond that, they are mostly on autopilot. As we are exposed to millions of pieces of data and information at once, our brains effectively work to delete, ignore and generalize most of that which we come in contact with. It determines what data is relevant to your world by the values and beliefs...

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Internal and External Changes

I like to consider myself an expert at pointing blame on the external world for my problems. I don't point blame in the obvious, aggressive ways like yelling at other cars in traffic or telling my boss I was late because of said assholes in traffic. Instead, I prefer to pick the subtle more sneaky way of blaming the external world, I like to believe that if I change my situation or scenario, it will somehow change how I feel inside.

I travel often and it's incredible. I have been blessed with many opportunities to travel and made this a priority in my life. Every time I venture away from my "normal life", I find myself happier, healthier, more vibrant and more in alignment with my highest self. This seems obvious, like who wouldn't feel better about life's problems if they were sitting on a beach in Mexico, worried about nothing but the waves coming up and hitting the edge of the beach towel, but it's more than that. Yes, I have travelled, but I've also packed up my entire life into...

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Shift in Perspective

Growing up, I viewed my period as something that needed to be "dealt with".

It was addressed to me in an afternoon class of sex education in a very logical and product based manner. When I first got my period, to no fault of my own mother, it was handled the same way; I realized I was bleeding and my mother and I went into the specifics of how to use a tampon. As I grew up, the view I had around my menstrual cycle began to shift again. Unconsciously, I picked up on how modern society viewed this part of a woman's life: a period is dirty, something that needs to be hidden, and we need products that mask the smell and reduce the inconvenience so that women can return to participating in extreme sports, pretending as though it does not exist and returning to normal, patriarchal society. Then, as a sexually active young woman, the beliefs around inconvenience became more engrained in my reality. On top of a deep lack of self love, after telling a boy that I was bleeding, he had made it...

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Home in my Own Body

When the world around you is riddled with fear, scarcity and uncertainty, it is crucial that you are able to find safety inside yourself.

For me, this lesson was most clearly put together in a medicine ceremony. Just a few months ago, I had been in a rather tricky spot mentally and could find myself getting lost in rabbit holes of negative self talk. I would watch my thoughts twist and turn until I would find myself thinking about the worst case scenario as though it had already happened. "I'll never make it", "I'm not good enough", "I'll end up alone because no one will ever love me" and every other combination of the worst internal chatter swirled around my head. I had been to these places before, I had been managing my thoughts through meditation and conscious breath, and knew that I could get myself out of that space.

As soon as I had recognized the thoughts, I would pause and pull my breath and intention deep into my belly, into my womb space. I would bring in the feeling of...

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Invitations and Permission

It all started with a decision that I could give myself permission.

Earlier this year, I was back on the beach in Tulum, following an ecstatic dance. I was sweaty and covered in sand, sitting down so I could connect with the earth and I stared up at the beautiful full moon. The moon’s light lit up the entire beach and painted rays along the ocean below. The dance was hosted steps from the ocean and by the time we had finished, I wanted nothing more than to be in the water. I was bleeding and was on one of the very last days of my bleed. I had felt so deeply connected to the divine feminine in that moment. I had gotten up from the sand and walked towards the ocean and suddenly felt called to get naked. Just as quickly as the thought came up, another thought followed: “what would people think?” All of the sudden, I was certain that I would be judged or make the others uncomfortable, despite not having any real source of the fear. No one had expressed...

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The Depths and Holding Back

I have a lot of emotions. We all do. But I've recently come to an awareness of how intensely these emotions are felt. As a child, these emotions showed up as a dramatic outburst at the slightest inconvenience and now as an adult they can show up as incredible joy or deep sadness. 

 

Emotions are something that can "just come up". They can be triggered by the physical world and begin by developing in the body before hitting your conscious, thinking brain. Feelings, on the other hand, are something we consciously decide to have. We can decide to feel a certain way after an emotion that comes up.

 

After a long term relationship had ended, I was reminded of how deeply I could feel. An emotion would come up, triggered by a song, an old favorite restaurant or even driving by a place that formerly would have been "ours". Then, I would allow myself to feel all of the sadness that poured along with it. I wanted to allow myself to process and work through all of...

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Doing it for Someone Else

"If you were to take your life, who would have to find your body?" These words had been spoken to me by a hospital counsellor, when I was 17 and in one of the deepest circles of mental hell I've ever been in. It's burned in my memory so vividly because the answer was so painfully blind to look at that it brought me to tears. For the first time in years, it made me think of someone other than myself. I knew exactly who would find me, it would have been my mom. I didn't have to look too hard at the mental image of her finding my body before I knew I was ready to change.

 

Humans are funny creatures. We can make decisions for ourselves but need the push of doing something for others in order to take action. No one can tell us to change or make change happen for us. Only we can be responsible for the shifts we determine we want to make.

 

Think about starting a new gym routine. You make the choice for a healthier lifestyle, set a schedule, pack your bag the night before and...

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Intentions of the New Year

We are at the beginning of another year, another decade. For the first time, I start this year without feeling like I need a complete revamp of my life. I am the happiest I have ever been with my body, habits and outlook on life. Of course, there are changes that need to be made and places where I strive to be different in 2020 but overall I am in a place of reverence for life unlike ever before.

 

On New Years eve, I took the opportunity to be part of a ceremony, to celebrate and to leave behind all that I did not want to bring forward into this year and this decade. It was beautifully filled with laughter and tears and it brought me wonderful insights.

 

As I've made it a tradition to take the holidays and explore warm places that bring joy to my soul, this year I found myself in Miami. The plan was to embrace feeling like my highest self and spend my days as though I was living my dream life. That meant sleeping as long as I needed, taking my time at the gym to stretch,...

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