Releasing Trauma Through Movement

Movement has the power to pull us out of our heads and drop us back into our bodies. When we come back in to our bodies, we can feel and process emotions, trauma and move through energy that has gotten stuck.

The process doesn't need to be hard or difficult, sometimes it just takes a step back from what is bright in your awareness.

After repeated trauma, I made a decision to start being active and it may have been what saved my life. 

 

My Battle With Depression

I used to be deep in my cave of sadness, riddled with fear and crippled by anxiety. Trauma from childhood and my teenage years created this overall feeling of numbness that I felt as a young adult. 

I was so stuck in my head, completely numb to my body, and I was struggling. 

I would suffer from panic attacks, I was on the verge of suicide and most of the days I would get up, just to go back to bed.

 

Strong Enough No One Could Hurt Me

I was stubborn (let's be real, I still am), and after...

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A Month Of Anger

This month, my group coaching community and I have been diving into emotions and it has already been a hell of a ride.

I've been able to hold space for others as emotions have come up for them, but I've also had so many opportunities to be a gentle observer of my own emotions.

Throughout this journey, I've gotten clarity on a few things:

 

Your Emotional History is Pre-set

I think it's important to understand that your relationship with emotions now was determined by your parents and upbringing. 

If you have done a ton of work, processed your trauma, broken through the patterns of your family's history and have moved past this, you can skip reading this, but I'm not sure everyone has...

In most cases, we are operating from a place of unconscious behaviour and patterning, and may not "know any better".

 

Growing Up

As we grow up, we are exposed to emotions in ourselves and others. We experience all of the emotions, as part of the human experience as children, but then...

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Handling Unmet Expectations and Attachments

I am the queen of creating plans and building attachments and expectations to those outcomes.

I say that as though it's something I'm proud of but it's truly not. Ironically it's been my most prominent teacher in the past few months.

 

Expectations

Ever since I was a child, I had attachments to how things "had to be".

If we had plans to go to the park, we better have damn well gone or I would have stomped my little feet and cried my eyes out.

I was always the emotional child, smiling one moment and bawling the next. I wouldn't always stay in that place of emotion but as soon as I found out things were not going my way, I would be quick to react.

 

As all patterns do, this one followed me into adulthood but showed itself in different ways. I would be attached to the expectations I would set around plans, experiences, success and even partners.

Although I have been working for years to be present and be in a state of gratitude and acceptance, this lesson is one I get to...

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The Depths and Holding Back

I have a lot of emotions. We all do. But I've recently come to an awareness of how intensely these emotions are felt. As a child, these emotions showed up as a dramatic outburst at the slightest inconvenience and now as an adult they can show up as incredible joy or deep sadness. 

 

Emotions are something that can "just come up". They can be triggered by the physical world and begin by developing in the body before hitting your conscious, thinking brain. Feelings, on the other hand, are something we consciously decide to have. We can decide to feel a certain way after an emotion that comes up.

 

After a long term relationship had ended, I was reminded of how deeply I could feel. An emotion would come up, triggered by a song, an old favorite restaurant or even driving by a place that formerly would have been "ours". Then, I would allow myself to feel all of the sadness that poured along with it. I wanted to allow myself to process and work through all of...

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Dancing with Masculine Essence

True masculine essence lives in a place of ever-present death. It is the knowing that nothing is needed be added or taken away and that the only thing that matters is the present moment.

 

Growing up, I danced so heavily in my masculine and it was where I felt safe. But my masculine nature was a mask that covered a very, very afraid feminine side. The masks of masculinity searched for comfort in places of danger, places where I got close to death. Although this was not a conscious thought pattern at the time, I frequently found myself in unsafe situations. As a young adult, I danced with aggressive alcohol and drug use, but my favorite way to "taste death" was to find dangerous partners.

 

Aggressive men felt comfortable and safe. By the time I was at the age where I was finding romantic partners, I was familiar with romance and love being proven to me through abuse and violence. If a safe and loving partner happened to fall in to my life, I would either unknowingly...

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Being out of Control

I don’t have it all figured out. I don’t have much of anything figured out. And that is perfectly fine.

 

I frequently get caught up in the idea that I need to be perfect, all the time, no matter what. Despite knowing that no one has it all figured out, some part of me associates personal inadequacy with not having my life all put together.

 

I am an emotional creature. I cry, all the damn time. I feel love, joy, bliss, and gratitude so deeply that it can bring me to tears. I truly put my whole heart into everything that I do. The flip side of that is the reality that with feeling all of the "good emotions" deeply, I also get to feel every single one of the "bad emotions" just as deeply. I feel sadness, depression, guilt, shame, unworthiness and all of the colors of the dark feelings with my whole heart too.

 

As I've begun to grow into my own voice, I've started to pride myself on being an open minded and somewhat knowledgeable person. I can share...

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Coping with Loss

I lost someone close to me; back in a time when I didn't have a clue what loss was or what close to me could really mean. But, I lost someone I cared about and it broke me. Even to this day, the grooves where my emotional responses stem from, I feel the triggers lie deep. Every now and again, I will feel the emotion where logic could never be and a harmless conversation takes me to a place of guilt and deep, deep sadness.

 

Just over two years ago, after a brief and bright beginning of a relationship, a person I had cared about so passionately had passed. It was never fully explained to me if the passing was an accident or not, but there was always a huge level of guilt that I had felt around the situation. Close to the time of his passing, this wonderful, kind spirit had expressed his painful emotional struggle. He was going through the depths of hell and was struggling to keep going. I had been in the same place, just a few years previously, but I didn't have the language or...

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