How Unconscious Patterns are Shaped in Child and Teen Years

My main mission lately has been that of self-discovery. I've been asking my inner child to bring anything and everything that may be affecting me unconsciously to the surface.

She's done a beautiful job of showing me all kinds of memories I've suppressed and forgotten. 

One particular memory has stood out...

 

Shaping our Reality in Childhood

Before I tell this story, I think it's important to start with a bit of a reminder. 

When we are children, we are discovering the world.

We learn "right" from "wrong", we are taught what is "normal" and "acceptable" based off of our family's religion and culture, and our belief systems are shaped.

 

As we grow older, we may start to break free and create other beliefs too, but until we are in our late teens, or early twenties, our realities and belief systems are still very malleable. 

As young teenagers, we are trusting, believe what we are told, and can be highly influenced by our peers.

During this same period,...

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How Women Are Pinned Against Each Other (and How to Break Free From This Belief!)

Although I recognize times where old patterning has it's teeth still sunken into my skin, there was a topic that has come up a lot lately that I felt needed some light shed on it...

 

Women as Being Enemies

Lately, with my group coaching community, we've been discussing a lot about how society points women against each other.

It's those sneaky thoughts of...

"It's not acceptable to be friends with your boyfriend/husband/fiancee's ex"

"Two powerful women in a company must be enemies"

 Or even... "She's your competition so you must hate each other, right?"

 

It's engrained in our society so deeply that when the opposite is true, everyone is confused. 

A dear friend recently shared a story about meeting her partner's ex, where their hug and hello brought on very surprised looks from those around.

Unfortunately, this is normal. Women are pinned against each other, and lead to believe that other women do not have their highest good in mind.

 

Beliefs Learned in...

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The Wounded Masculine

If you would have asked me a year ago if I was more in my masculine energy or my feminine energy, I would have, without question, said masculine. 

I always fit in with the boys, I was always a top sales person, I could do anything I put my mind to, and I was independent as hell. 

The more I started to explore and understand healthy, embodied divine masculine and feminine energy, I realized I was showing up in my masculine, but it was severely wounded.

 

The Embodied Divine Masculine

I think it's easier to understand the difference in wounded and divine, healthy masculine energy by starting with the latter. 

When we embody the divine masculine, we are deeply in the present moment. 

We are confident, secure, and strong. 

We are able to handle each moment as though it is our last, but without fear of that truth.

On the other hand, the wounded masculine needs to prove themselvesdoesn't accept criticism, and fears the time where they may be seen...

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Healthy and Harmful Relationship Resistance

While talking with a very dear friend, a question came up that caused some reflection and introspection.

To summarize, she had been with a partner that had some manipulative tendencies. As I have had experiences with abusive relationships, she felt safe to talk to me about her experiences.

 

The question that came up was around:

-when we are falling into old patterns

-running away from change 

-or acting out of anxiety

RATHER THAN

-when our needs aren't being met

-our boundaries are being crossed

-or a situation is actually harmful

It boiled down to..

"When is resistance in relationship healthy vs harmful?".

 

Patterning In Resistance

It's common in the "conscious community" to look at difficult situations in our lives as periods of resistance that are helping us to grow and look at our own shit.

The issue is, in an intimate relationship, when you have trauma patterns, it can be hard to see where you are growing and where you are letting your boundaries be crossed.

...

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Energy and Self-Sabotage

I absolutely love the holidays.

 

I had always been the excited child on Christmas morning, up before the sun, waiting for everyone else to get up before we could open presents. Not surprisingly, that excitement around the holidays followed me into adulthood. As an adult, I have become the organizer of celebrations, hiding Easter eggs and setting up the Christmas tree. Seeing the people I love share the holiday excitement is one of the greatest pleasures I can receive. 

In addition to the mainstream holidays, there is one other day in the year that turns me into a small excited child; that day is my birthday. Most accurately described as a very small and excited chihuahua, my energy on my birthday is wild, childish and playful. This week, I celebrated another year around the sun, and as expected, I was beyond excited. Now, a quarantine birthday can only be so exciting, as a big party is out of the question. But a combination of my own self care practices and some surprises...

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Patterns From The Past

COVID-19 pushed my long distance partnership quickly into an intensely close relationship.

 

My partner and I had been long distance for a few months, knowing that in the future, I had plans on moving closer. After quitting my job of almost three years, the plan was to travel to his city, spend a few days at his place before a series of extended stays with girlfriends until a more permanent living situation was determined. Things quickly changed with COVID but we mutually decided that it was better to be in the same city and that we would figure it out from there. 31 hours of driving, plus a short 4 hours of hotel-room sleep got me to his doorstep. Isolation protocols were recommended shortly after my return and the original couple nights staying at his place, with his two roommates, turned into "for the foreseeable future". As expected, we both began to find our own traumas and wounded children appearing in our relationship. When you all of the sudden spend every waking moment...

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